Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
