remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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