Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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