i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
