Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
