it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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