TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
