I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
