He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We're too hungover to prance.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
