Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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