Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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