im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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