I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
