Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize