bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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