Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize