Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
