Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
