I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
