this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
