if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
