Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
