I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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