The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
