youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
