My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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