apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
