Michael Bay diarrhea
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
