just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
