He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize