ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
