So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You ruined the universe
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
