I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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