I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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