Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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