i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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