i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
