And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
