Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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