This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
