It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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