I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
