it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
