you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
