i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
