So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize