People in love make me want to vomit
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i think my cat just said my name.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
