I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
