it was like his penis was on wheels.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
