You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
