Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
