I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize