There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm always down for nudity.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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