She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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