she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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