I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
