I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
