I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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