The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
