I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
