her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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