just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
