Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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