Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
