I wanna passion pit in your ass
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
