No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
kristin has been a bad kristin
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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