So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
