I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
