remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
