I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
