My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
