I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize